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How to Let Go of Resentment and Forgive Your Ex

01 May 2018, by psychictxt in Empowerment, Healing, Relationships, Self Love

I used to be afraid of the pain letting go of the past would cause, until I realized how much pain holding on has caused.” ~Steve Maraboli

Getting over the pain of a bad relationship is never easy.

Even when I finally felt more in control of my feelings, the pain from my past would still spill over into my present.

I would constantly compare my new partner to my ex who had torn my heart apart. Even though I had moved on from that relationship, I was too afraid to fully trust my new partner for fear of being backstabbed again.

I feared reliving that gut-wrenching pain I felt the last time I was cheated on. The thought of it happening again made my heart race. I’d lose my appetite and feel sick to my stomach. I would feel like I was having a full-blown panic attack.

And the worst part about it was that I had no real reason to distrust my current partner. He was honest, loving, and he truly cared about me. I was feeding off of bitterness from my past.

I refused to let go of resentment.

Not until I realized I had to move on and forgive my ex was I able to change my future and have a fulfilling relationship. Once I changed my approach and adopted a few strategies to help deal with my pain, I was able to live a happier life.

Manage Your Thoughts

When I found out my ex cheated on me, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I could’ve done differently to prevent him from straying.

I thought to myself, Maybe I shouldve tried a little harder, or I shouldve been more attentive to his needs.

I cooked, cleaned, and always made sure he was well taken care of. But apparently, our relationship wasn’t enough.

I soon realized that no matter how attentive or loving I was, he would’ve cheated on me regardless.

I constantly pictured him with the other woman. The thought would infuriate me.

All I could think was, How could he do this to me? Why would he want to throw away all the years we’ve shared together? And while he had moved on and was enjoying his new life, there I was still suffering in silence.

It soon became too much to handle. I had to stop torturing myself. I had to somehow let go.

So I began shifting my focus. Instead of dwelling on my pain, I would imagine myself in a happier place. I would replace every bad thought with a positive one.

Instead of thinking, How could he choose someone else over me? I would think, I’m better off with someone who values me and treats me with love and respect.

The more I did this, the less resentment I felt toward him.

By changing my thoughts, I was able to change my feelings. As time went on, I was able to move on.

Remember What Makes You Smile

At one point, my relationship stressed me so much that I didn’t want to leave the house. I despised seeing happy couples on the street. Even going outside on a sunny day was a struggle. I’d rather it rain to reflect my mood. Thats how miserable I was.

I desperately needed to move on with my life, despite my heartache.

I had plenty of things to be grateful for. I needed to reflect on everything that was going well in my life.

Overall, I had a great family. I knew that regardless of what I went through, they would always be there for me. I had a beautiful daughter. And despite how rejected I felt, I knew she would always love and care about me.

The more time I spent with my relatives, the more I felt loved and wanted.

I also found things to do to make myself feel better. I’d go on dinner dates with my friends and take vacations to different places.

Thinking back now, even working out would’ve been a great way to release some tension.

I realized my life wasn’t over simply because I had a bad relationship. I was stillalive and breathinganother day. That alone was a reason to be grateful. Each day the sun rose was another chance for happiness.

When we’re hurting, we tend to experience the pain continually in our minds. If we find enjoyable things to do, we can replace negative memories with positive ones.

Find the Lessons

If I could go back in time, I would never erase my past. That’s because my past shaped me into the strong person I am today.

Once I began focusing on the lessons I learned from my experience, I stopped drowning in resentment.

I learned that his cheating was not my fault. No matter how attentive or loving I was, he would’ve cheated on me regardless. He chose his wants and desires over our relationship.

And just like him, I had a choice to move on and be happy. I was only hurting myself by not releasing the pain.

If I wanted to have a healthy relationship in the future, I had to let go of the bad memories from my past relationship. I couldn’t allow my new love to suffer for my past love’s mistakes.

And lastly, I deserved to be happy just as much as anyone else. Holding onto bitterness and resentment wasn’t worth sacrificing my joy.

The lessons I learned were priceless. And once I decided not to allow what a person did to me dictate my feelings, I began to live a happier life.

All the pain, heartache, and tears I experienced turned me into the resilient person I am today. And now I can help others overcome their pain.

Sometimes we go through negative experiences to encourage someone else. Someone’s out there who will benefit from your story. Come out of your pain victoriously so that you can be an inspiration to others.

Take It As a Learning Experience

When I decided to let go and forgive my ex, despite his actions, I was finally at peace. Once I released my anger, it no longer had control over me. I was no longer in bondage to the wounds from my past.

I now have a new understanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not for the other person; it’s to heal us. When you forgive your ex, you take away the power they had over your emotions.

You don’t have control over your past, but you have full control over what you do in the present.

When you learn to let go of resentment, animosity, and bitterness, you experience freedom. Freedom from the hurt and pain that once held you captive.

Angry couple image via Shutterstock

About Tiffaney Kennedy

Tiffaney Kennedy is a mentor whose passion is helping women overcome life’s toughest challenges. Sign up to receive your free copy of “56 Motivational Quotes That Will Change Your Life.”

 

This post was republished with permission from tinybuddha.com. You can find the original post here.


If you have been feeling down on yourself or down on love in general, reach out to any one of our trusted psychic advisors. They can look deep into your energy and show you what areas need to be improved. They can also let you know how close one of your soulmates really is. 

10 COMMENTS
  • Diane Brajkovich Reply

    I only want my new relationship To Blossom Even
    Though he is away On Business In Beijing China
    His 2 boys are with the Nanny in Long Island
    New York USA I feel optimistic hopeful
    As he has his own insurities From His Boys Ex
    Wife

    Praying For Miracles

    • psychictxt Reply

      Hello Diane, if you are interested in a reading, please contact one of our many advisors directly via the Psychic Txt app. Thank You.

  • Anna Maria Peralta Reply

    Does my ex boyfriend still have feelings for me is he going to want to come back with me cuz he really wants to

    • psychictxt Reply

      Hello Anna, if you are interested in a reading/advice, please contact one of our many advisor directly via the Psychic Txt app. Thank You and i hope you find the answers you are looking for.

  • Tamaraanne hernandez Reply

    Hello Tiffany,
    I hope all is well with you, I just wanted to say thank you, don’t know how someone knew I needed to read this, as Im reading My tears start pouring down my face, I couldn’t believe it, this is so me too, I grab paper n pen starting writing some stuff down , I started to feel sense of relief per say, that I so desperately needed, for awhile now I kept hearing write in your Journal, write, I forgot how much I would feel in inside when writing, I’ve been told to slow down, rest, and now after my last heart break , I didn’t know what to do , thank you writing it down I know what I need to do, and that is not to give up …Tamaraanne

    • psychictxt Reply

      hello Tamaraanne, PsychicTxt is so glad that these words brought you some relief and comfort. That is our aim here at PsychicTxt. Feel free to contact our advisors through our app for any further insights if required- From PsychicTxt

  • Lori Lynn Belcher/Campbell Reply

    I have been burned by so called love before ….D.O.B. 06/11/1970
    T.O.B.6:15 AM
    P.O.B. MANSFIELD OHIO
    LORI CAMPBELL

    • psychictxt Reply

      Hello Lori, Thank you for your message. Please talk to an advisor using our app for a reply to your query. We hope you find the answers you are looking for. -From Psychictxt

  • Lori Lynn Belcher/Campbell Reply

    I have been burned by so called love before ….D.O.B. 06/11/1970
    T.O.B.6:15 AM
    P.O.B. MANSFIELD OHIO
    LORI CAMPBELL
    WILL I EVER HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO LIVE COMFORTABLY WITHOUT HAVING TO GET THE ITEMS AND THEN WONDERING HOW DO I GET SO BROKE SO FAST
    MY MONEY NEVER LASTS ME ALL THE WAY THOUGH THE MONTH…. LIKE FILTERED CIGARETTES I CAN ONLY BUY 12 pks and the rest of the month I roll my own…..
    But I guess I am blessed…. I have alot more than some other people

    • psychictxt Reply

      Hello Lori, if you are interested in a reading, please contact one of our many advisors directly via the Psychic Txt app. Thank You.

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